Lessons from Uganda and Zanzibar - #4 Don't be scurd!

Lesson #4 – Don’t be scurd! 

(That’s “scared” for anyone who wasn’t sure.)

3/24 9:04pm

“She doesn’t want to exchange contact information, nor does she really want to continue our conversation. She doesn’t want to join me for a drink…” I think I suffer from some kind of complex, as those are the thoughts and doubts that constantly cloud my mind. Maybe my complex is normal shyness, but I’m leaning more towards thinking it’s fear. I can think back to being three years old and feeling afraid that people don’t really want to get to know me.

I thought I’d mastered Alicia’s recommendation that I stay interested in the other person and never-mind if they want to get to know me. I know I am amazing, and interesting, and worth getting to know. Maybe I should keep my focus on the other person, rather than focusing on how the other person perceives me. I know not all encounters will result in life-long friendships, but I must push myself out of my comfort zone and conjure up genuine interest in others and their experiences, their stories, their lessons worth sharing. Releasing my fears of rejection, discomfort, misinterpretation, or embarrassment creates opportunity for my own enrichment. Through openly interacting with and talking with new people, and not worrying what they’re thinking of me, not only do I benefit, but the other person has the chance to teach, share, and express. If everyone is busy telling their own story, who is going to listen? *Eagerly raises hand*

3/26 9:45a.m.

When I was about nine years old, I watched an episode of “Trauma: Life in the ER” when a woman got a cockroach stuck in her ear. After sucking the roach out with a small but powerful drainage tube, the doctor explained that it’s not unexpected that a roach would crawl in an ear, since they look for warm, moist places. Since seeing this program, I’ve always hoped and prayed that I would never get a roach stuck in my ear. With this, you can imagine my terror when I woke up from my afternoon nap to find a roach only three inches away from my pillow! Luckily, he was stuck on his back, which afforded me enough time to kill him and swat his carcass off my bed.

            In my prayers last night, I asked God for protection…from “roaches in my ears.” Thankfully, He blessed me with the idea to put cotton balls in my ears, which gave me a better sense of security for a restful nights sleep.

4/4 4:37p.m.

            I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye to the kids; not Vincent, or Richard, or Sharon, or Sheila, or anyone except Arnold who’s only 1 year old and Abraham who I just met 1 hour ago. I’m afraid when the kids wake up from their naps they’ll feel abandoned and resent me for leaving without saying bye. I wish Victoria would’ve kept them awake until I left so I could’ve gotten one last hug, and look at their big eyes and genuine smiles and heard their squeals of laughter one last time. I feel incomplete, as if I’ve left something behind. I should’ve asked Victoria to keep everyone awake until I left, but now it’s too late.

            I didn’t feel this ways when I left Kathmandu and maybe it’s because I was there for a shorter period of time, or because I had more people with me or because we had an official goodbye, filled with hugs and tears. Whatever the reason, I feel discontent about leaving this way.

            But maybe it’s better that I left without saying goodbye. My departure, especially right before nap time, might have resulted in too many tears for the kids. I have to take rest in praying that God knows this way is best.

My room at BKU.

Some of the Bright Kids!