About half-way through my first semester of grad school, I had a few weeks when I was rather overwhelmed, to say the least. I felt like I was walking around in a constant state of deep, serious thought. As I sat silent and removed during a class discussion one day, my TA asked, "Shannon, is something wrong? You seem rather pensive lately." Not knowing what pensive meant, I felt a little offended. I mean, you might agree that that doesn't necessarily sound like a very nice word. I thought to myself, "Pensive! Who you callin' pensive?!" but simply replied saying, "No, I'm ok. Just thinking." After I went home and looked up the definition of pensive (engaged in deep, serious thought or reflection), I realized that yes, I was rather pensive and had been for a while. (I also promised myself that I would start learning 1 new vocabulary word per week, but that has yet to happen.)
At the time, I attributed my pensive state to the amount of work I had to complete. Looking back though, I now understand that my stress and reflective state was a result of something more. It was around this same time in grad school that I began questioning and re-evaluating my way of looking at education and my role in the American education system. I know now that it is natural to experience some prolonged stress when going through such a major change.
This week, I fell into another pensive state. It's only lasted for a few days, but I was feeling a little alone, missing home, and overall "outside myself." While deep in thought during class on Wednesday though, I went back to that moment in grad school and realized I've felt this way before. It also hit me that the result of my previous pensiveness was a profound personal change and, I hope, intellectual advancement. If I am experiencing the same thing now, then a similarly different evolution is taking place. I therefore embrace this moment with patience and anticipation. In the end, that's about all we can do.
At the time, I attributed my pensive state to the amount of work I had to complete. Looking back though, I now understand that my stress and reflective state was a result of something more. It was around this same time in grad school that I began questioning and re-evaluating my way of looking at education and my role in the American education system. I know now that it is natural to experience some prolonged stress when going through such a major change.
This week, I fell into another pensive state. It's only lasted for a few days, but I was feeling a little alone, missing home, and overall "outside myself." While deep in thought during class on Wednesday though, I went back to that moment in grad school and realized I've felt this way before. It also hit me that the result of my previous pensiveness was a profound personal change and, I hope, intellectual advancement. If I am experiencing the same thing now, then a similarly different evolution is taking place. I therefore embrace this moment with patience and anticipation. In the end, that's about all we can do.
You have such great perspective. No doubt you're going through some intellectual/personal growth - living abroad will do that to you. We miss you here, too, but another thing you'll learn about living abroad is that the people who matter will always be there waiting, wherever *there* is and for however long you need. ;) I can't wait to hear about Nepal! Bring lots of long underwear!! xxoo!
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